Who says women are the only ones who can be picky in bed? Just because men tend to be horndogs, doesn’t mean anything flies when it comes to sex. Much like the unsuspected finger up the bum, or the ever-so-discrete downward push of the head, some things are better left untouched, or unsaid. To prevent any disappointments, and ensure future hookups, follow this list of the top things you should never do to a man in the bedroom.
1. Bark/Meow/Oink: While a certain amount of moaning is expected, animal noises belong in the animal kingdom. Keep in mind that women can often make animal noises without even realizing it. I have a friend who once broke up with a girl because “she sounded like an mouse” during sex. So control those moans.
2. Cry: If you are sad enough to the point of crying, don’t have sex. Nothing is more of a turn off than a girl weeping before, during or after sex. It’s awkward, to say the least.
3. Make Them Bleed: While a little biting can be fun, biting to the point of breaking skin is downright scary. Don’t let him think you have some sort of weird blood fetish that he’s not aware of. Plus, it hurts!
4. Cotton Mouth Oral – What man doesn’t love a good blow job? If you’re dehydrated and suffering from a bad case of cotton-mouth however, stay away. Not only can it be extremely painful, but a blow job is not a blow job without some much-needed lubrication.
5. Don’t Ask Any Questions – Unless you’re thinking of the kinky kind, asking a stupid question like “should I go on all fours?” is simply pointless. When in doubt, just go for it. You can be sure that your partner is not going to question your stance.
6. Call Him ‘Daddy” – Not only is he not your “daddy” but he’s also not your brother or cousin (hopefully). That word will freak him out so bad you’ll probably never see, or hear from him again.
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